Listen, I am way too insane to just let my dashboard sit at 364 posts with 30 minutes before midnight.  I will make it to 365, damn it.

I planned on doing this anyway, but here are my favorite pictures and excerpts from the past year.  And by the way, a year is actually much shorter than you think.

The first: Scott is sure I won’t make it to a full 365 Days

Laura, my old roommate, has friends over.  This is the morning after:

I went to a concert dressed like I was going to a dinner party:

Never took off my wish bracelet (Translated it reads: “In remembrance of our patron saint, good luck in life.”)

Watched bootleg movies on my computer (JAI HO)

“See the world in green and blue, see China right in front of you…” bought a necklace that reminded me of U2’s “Beautiful Day”

Cartwheeled across a room, lost any sense of modesty and had a whole lot of fun with a bunch of guys much more experienced than I was at the art of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

The quotes will come tomorrow, right now it’s 20 ’til midnight and if I’m too sick to go out on my birthday, I will spend it on the couch, in my pajamas, watching (500) Days of Summer with my roommate.

DAY 365. frick, frack, fruck!

In Rocket Science, when Hal Hefner meets up with Ben Wekselbaum, the boy he thinks is going to change his life, Ben turns to Hal and says:

The fights you fight today are the fights you fight for the rest of your life

On January 25th, the day before 365, I resolved to do plenty of things.  The original list, in all its single-spaced glory is here: YO.

On that list, I am most proud of the fact that I kept an open mind and interacted with people who I never thought I would.

I was reading Jay Z’s interview with Interview Magazine and while he spends the majority of the interview commenting on his specific industry I found his lessons learned to be universal.  When you get to a position that you’ve worked for it’s easy to put your life on auto-pilot and stay within the confines of whatever box you’ve created because that’s what works.

I wrote in that first post that I don’t typically make resolutions outside of the whole “To be content” box, because that’s easy.

I feel that the majority of my life is all about maintaining whatever state I’m currently in. Maintain my grades, maintain my health, maintain my sanity, consciousness, drug habit, etc. And I think it’s time for me to finally seek to go past just maintaining.  Besides, to maintain your position is to remain stagnant.  There is no way to ever grow as a person, if you’re not allowing yourself to move past a certain point.

A year ago I wrote that and I still feel that way now.  I still feel that I can push a little harder, that sometimes I rest a little bit longer than I need to; that I get afraid about what I want to do and so I don’t do anything, as if that’s a viable alternative.  But, I know that is always going to be an alternative and it’s up to me to challenge myself.

It’s a fight that I will have to fight within every aspect of my life and I like being aware of that.  It’s fun to see how hard you can push yourself, to look back and see that  you conquered something that seemed impossible.

I can’t give myself the true 365 days because some days I just wasn’t in the mood, but my WordPress Dashboard tells me that overall I wrote 364 posts, which is good enough for me.

Thank you for reading!

I can’t wait to not have to add the stupid numbers at the beginning of every post.

361. the future is now.

Transitioning from shoes that actually have arch support back to shows that can withstand 20+ inches of snow (with no other redeeming qualities) (besides looks) (of course) did not work out in my favor.  For the past week and a half I have alternated between wearing no shoes indoors to going outdoors in flat boots.  I guess my feet decided to finally cave under the pressure–actually just one foot, my left foot.

I woke up Wednesday morning after going to the gym the night before to an uncomfortable pain in my left foot.  In high school I was a runner and I guess now I’m still “kind of” a runner.  In short, I am highly attuned to what the different pains in my legs and feet mean and can usually remedy them on my own.  The particularly brutal pains, like shin splints, were worked out by a chiropractor a few years ago and changing my running style and type of shoes.

I avoid flip-flops like Mad-Cow carrying bovine and as embarrassing as they look I love my fit-flops.  The only times I make an exception to my anti flip-flop rule is when they’re too cute to say no to, which happens more often than I’d like to admit.  I just can’t pass up cute shoes, and now because of my inability to find a cute pair of boots with arch support, I’ve found myself in pain.

The remedy is easy though, it just involves a little athletic tape.  For the first time in years I found myself navigating through the aisles of Jock’s Nitch (Right?  Clever, but isn’t it funny how the misspelling of “niche” is now immortalized in stores across eastern Kansas?) like I still belonged there.

Of course I grab the wrong thing and by the time I go back and come back I realize that I have never actually taped my own arches–some coach or other had always done it for me.

But then the Internet (ie. YouTube) instructed me how to do it and all was right with the world again.

Driving down Mass Street earlier while singing along to Because of the Times, blind-texting* a friend while simultaneously charging my phone too, I had a moment where I realized: “THIS IS THE FUTURE.”  Seriously!  The music playing was coming from my iPod, YouTube taught me something and I was communicating with someone almost subconsciously.  Where can we go from here?  The world is totally going to end in 2012, isn’t it?

*blind-texting using one hand to absent mindedly send a text in t9 (predictive text) mode, while keeping your eyes on the road.  On the Blackberry Pearl this usually results in misunderstandings, like: “I Luke that song!” or “Sea you going to at there be 6?”

358. gratuitous use of the “f word”

With much less profanity, Katt Williams on haters:

Live your motherf–in’ life, you [have] got to get your motherf–in’ hustle and understand that — are gonna hate on you regardless. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD–that fantasy world where — ain’t hatin’ on you.  You got to be grateful; you need haters.  What the — are you complaining about?  What do you think a —ing hater’s job is?  To —ing HATE so let them mother—ers hate.

I don’t know why, but currently I am really enjoying Katt William’s profanity laced comedy.  Probably because I curse like a motherf—ing sailor.  I don’t even know why I bothered to edit the profanity out of his quote.  He continues with his joke saying: “Ladies, if you’ve got 14 haters you need to figure out how to get 15 by summer.  Fellas, if you’ve got twenty haters you need forty of them motherf—ers.”

One Urban Dictionary user defined haters as:

A term used by others, usually being suburban “gangsters”, whose lives are absolutely and undeniably defined by what others think. These people “rumble” often and think of themselves as original and/or indestructible. People that use the term “haters” are the lowest stage of the evolutionary scale. They bleed the fastest and have thought processes similar to that of a mentally underdeveloped cat.

Hahahahaha.  Homeboy/girl is a hater, right??  And I don’t think anyone has had a “rumble” in years, except for the participants in Wrestlemania.

I don’t think I have ever used the term “hater” before, but I’m sure I’ve used some derivative of it.  Like, maybe “asshole” or “prick.”  Personally, I like the term “hater,” it’s convenient.  And there are so many out there!

Obviously, calling someone a hater or recognizing someone as a toxic SOB is not letting your life being “absolutely and undeniably defined by what others think,” it’s being aware of those around you.  You could float through your life being passive and accepting everyone else’s opinions, or ignoring everything that they say but those don’t seem like viable options for a well-adjusted life.

Sometimes, and not any time recently, I would catch myself in the act of being a total hater.  You would think the wisdom from Queen Bees and Wannabees and Mean Girls would’ve come into play, but apparently those were forgotten lessons.  The more I think about it, I’m pretty sure the first time I used the word “hater” seriously was in reference to myself.

It’s not a good look.

In the spirit of “Help Yourself,” I helped myself and with the wisdom of Katt Williams (sort of) combined with the two women mentioned earlier, I am happy to say that I am no longer sippin’ on that haterade, nor am I even craving that awful, awful juice.

354. sad brad smith.

I saw Up in the Air over break, loved it, proceeded to become obsessed with the song from the trailer.

Classes just started last Thursday and apparently I am now at the point where there are no long introductions to classes and professors assume you’ve got enough of your shit together to complete assignments by the next week.  Which is interesting, because NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

The one class that I am excited/terrified about is my fiction writing class.  My professor is intimidating and English–and she expects us to have a protagonist drawn up by this Tuesday.  This was my first class on Thursday, and afterwards I have a two-hour break.  During those two hours I imagined at least four different characters, but couldn’t find any place to take them.

My method for creating these people is to imagine a quality in myself that I have dealt with, or need to deal with, and then exaggerate it in a fictional character dealing with a fictional situation.  I know, it’s surprising that I only dreamed up four characters.  But, these characters were loaded down with so many issues that they were stuck at a complete standstill.  And they still weren’t doing anything interesting!

Of course, I ended up coming back to the first character I thought up and Sad Brad Smith helped me find her purpose with “Help Yourself.”  Listen here:

350. edit.


1.  For someone who resents the character of the Damsel in Distress I certainly find myself in situations where I am the weakest link (goodbye).

2. There is nothing that can put your vision in perspective quite like waking up and asking yourself “What can I do to make someone else’s day a little easier?”

3.  When you’re not focused on building relationships with others, it’s a lot easier miss the important things in your life–especially if all your needs are filled.

4.  There is probably some delicate balance that I would be upsetting if I didn’t do something positive.

I have a terrible time keeping track of my perspective.

So, I went to a Catholic high school.

And junior high school.

And grade school.

My preschool was called “Love’N’Learn.”  It was also Catholic.

This meant, I went to church twice a week for a majority of my life.  Along with that, during my two years of junior high school there were mandatory prayer services every day.

Mass was every Wednesday in high school and afterwards there would be a Faculty Prayer service, wherein the students were herded into the lunchroom and the teachers retreated to the chapel to gain some words to live for the rest of the week.  Besides getting out of class and not having to be around our teachers, with fifty cents you’d be able to get a donut (if you were early enough you could get one with frostings AND sprinkles) and with an extra 25, you could get a Juicy Juice box.

Every Wednesday I made sure I had a spare dollar on me or at least some change.  Sometime during my Sophomore year of high school, the administration implemented this rule that students were to go back to their classrooms after mass and wait to be released to the lunchroom.  Depending on what the rotation was for what hour mass fell on, your teacher could either ignore this rule or be a huge stickler.  Eventually, they all turned into a huge sticklers on the rule but for a while there was some leniency.

Anyway, on the days when you’d be the last class released to the lunchroom you’d end up waiting in the line for what seemed like hours, but was actually just minutes, and by the time it was your turn to pick a donut the only options left were glazed.

On the days when I would be stuck at the back of the line, I would hold my dollar and engage in idle chit chat and by the time I got to the front of the line I would forget where I had placed my money.  I would be so used to having the dollar or quarters in my hand that I would forget they were there, even with my fingers curled around them.  I would pat my pockets for a second, wondering what I had done with my change then right before asking someone if they could spot me a dollar, either I or one of the ladies handing out donuts, would notice the money in my hand.

That’s the same way it is for me and my perspective.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m seeing the world the way it ought to be seen and other days I feel like I’ve got on blinders.  It’s all there, but sometimes I forget.

What is helping me keep my perspective in balance is surrounding myself with people who GAF: Give a F(ill in the blank).  People who recognize that we all have the ability to impact someone else’s day and therefore choose their actions and words wisely.

Despite forgetting my perspective and being a grotsky bitch on occasion, the Universe has a way of not completely screwing me over.  Like, I got my car stuck in the snow because the management opted out of cleaning up the parking lot over break assuming most people were at home and Lawrence got over 25 inches of snow.  And I had this super important place I had to go to (the movie theaters) and I worked muscles that have not felt strain in years trying to get the ice and snow out from underneath my G-DAMN car all to no avail.

Then, well staring forlornly across the hill this man stops and offers to push me out of the snow.  Then after the car was successfully pushed out of the space, I got stuck in another snow bank in the middle of the road.  At this point, two more people decided to come up and help and with their aid I was out of the snow for my super important meeting with the theater.

I couldn’t stop saying thank you and felt like I owed them something more than that.  Maybe a hug?  Or a check?  Probably a check.

They waved and said goodbye, not expecting anything in return, which made me realize that it wasn’t just them that I owed something it to, it was everyone, in a way.  Then again, didn’t John Lennon figure this out already with “Imagine”?

It’s just another instance of the infinite power of human beings and I think it’s about time I started harnessing that power.